By Ronn Chesmonde

I want to pause to remind everyone that I have been on a bender for the last three weeks.

But enough gloating. Before another warm, sunny day passes, I want to share a few of my favorite places to visit during the hottest days of Buffalo’s summer.  Do you have a place you love to get publicly intoxicated and wet your pants? You can e-mail me and I’ll save them for a future column: drunkasscracker@buffaloruse.com.

• Hoyt Lake: It doesn’t smell like dead fish anymore and the police usually recognize me and let me stagger on my way without issuing me

By Frank Brutus

Mayor Brown scrambled today to contain a small but growing firestorm of controversy over his failure to perform a national search for candidates who might lead the Buffalo Police Department.

The Mayor released a copy of a memo that he says he wrote to himself last November regarding the hiring process for the next Police Commissioner.  The Mayor maintained that the memo contains “the things that I am looking for in the person who will be the next leader of our brave men and women in the Buffalo Police Department.”

According to the memo, here are Mayor Brown’s requirements for

By Larry Flesler

I just returned from a trip to lovely Erie, PA after visiting my estranged daughter so I’m refreshed and eager to get back writing.

-Erie, PA is a great little town.  It is like Buffalo’s cousin. The one with no friends, body odor and bad breath.

-I can’t wait for the NBA playoffs to start. Kobe may be a whiner but he can dribble on me anytime he wants.

-I was really shocked to hear that Dabney Coleman’s only son Gary had died. Gary was never able to live up to his Dad’s acting ability but he was a swell little actor. Whenever

By Ronn Chesmonde

Carl Paladino isn’t sunk yet.  Not by a long shot.

15 Inches On The Erie Canal

The Buffalo businessman whose political posters claim he is “Mad as Hell” is taking his campaign to the stagnant waters of the Erie Canal in an attempt to attract a new breed of voters between Albany and Buffalo.

“We’re bringing along a mule and a stripper,” announced Paladino, as oversaw the decorating of a rented garbage scow that will cover the 400-miles between Albany and Buffalo in the next two weeks.  “The two of them will act out live scenes that depict New York State’s