By Caroline Hack

Q. Dear Caroline: I have been married to my husband for seven years. He had a dog that he loved which died, and I waited a long time before suggesting that we get a new one. My husband gradually agreed with me and we bought Sally. Sally is a great dog, but since she would whine at night, my husband brought her in to sleep at the foot of the bed. We got another dog six months ago, and now BOTH dogs sleep in the bed and I sleep on the couch. My husband obsesses about the dogs, cooking for them and scheduling our days around their habits. I complain, but he just tells me that he’s always been that way, and it was my fault that we got a dog in the first place. What can I do?

–Marisa, East Amherst

A. Dear Marisa: I have the perfect story that is the answer to all of your problems. For the sake of your self image and the future of your marriage, please read it carefully.

A few years ago I went to visit my father in a stroke rehabilitation center. When I got there, he was sitting on the end of the bed, laughing. I asked what he was laughing at, and he told me the story of how he had just become entangled with a pair of his own soiled underpants. He had a friend visiting at the time, but between the two of them, couldn’t get the dirty underwear untwisted from his ankles. Their solution was to try to cut them off with nail clippers. When that didn’t work, they burned them off. He found this to be hilarious, but not the funniest part. When I asked him where the underwear was now, he said that they tried to flush them, and they plugged up the toilet. The funniest part, to my father at least, was that his nurse’s aide had to clean up the mess. He hated her.

I hope you can think about this story and smile every time you are forced to face the fact that your husband likes dogs more than he likes you.

Private to Anne from Kenmore: Find a brave doctor who will treat the embarrassing drainage before you get intimate with another guy. And quit complaining; with a last name like Troutman I’d think that you’d heard every joke in the book by now.

To ask Caroline for advice, send your emails to:

chack@buffaloruse.com