Thousands Celebrate Downtown As City Plummets To Fourth In Forbes ‘Abysmal Failure’ Index.
By Jim E. Facter
The City of Buffalo has had its share of muted second place celebrations. Four consecutive Super Bowl losses. The Stanley Cup twice being raised by opposing teams on Buffalo ice. Syracuse regularly beats us in the “Golden Snowball” competition, which measures annual total snowfall. Buffalo finished #2 while trying to land The World University Games, but ended up hosting the event when Topeka wisely declined. And last year, Buffalonians had tattoos removed slightly less often than their counterparts in Rochester. Yet earlier this week, Niagara Square was the scene of a chaotic celebration as Buffalo proudly celebrated fourth place in a way that the city never has before.
Forbes magazine, the publication that last year rated Buffalo as the third poorest city in the country, has been forced to update its list, and the dubious #3 distinction this year goes to Cleveland, Ohio. Buffalo, a city that is maybe on the move, now sits comfortably as the 4th poorest city in America.
“There are many factors that are taken into consideration of course,” explained Gregory Bickleman, editor of Forbes. “and although we don’t make public our poverty formula, recent events in Buffalo forced us to recalculate our data.” The Buffalo Ruse has learned that the city’s drop on the poverty list can be directly attributed to the recent opening of a yarn shop in North Buffalo, a ‘Jim’s Steakout’, and the relocation of a large extended family from Buffalo’s lower West Side to Miami, Florida.
Mayor Byron Brown, standing in front of the newly opened ‘Yes Ewe Can’ yarn shop on Hertel, appreciates the business savvy that these small business owners have shown when considering where to open up shop.
“It is clear that the City of Buffalo is once again open for business,” said a beaming Brown. “The welcome mat is out, the metal grates have been pulled back, the door is propped open, the graffiti has been scrubbed off the bricks, the sidewalk has been hosed down and there is pleasant music playing to discourage teenagers from loitering and threatening people. Customers can shop in relative safety and prospective business owners are taking risks on this gem of a city that has a realistic shot at becoming less destitute in the very near future.”
Forbes’ Bickleman says that if city officials want to stay ahead of some of the more unpredictable variables, they will have to focus on what they can control, including tax breaks, low interest loans to first-time business owners and encouraging the poor to move out of town or be removed “naturally” from the welfare rolls.
“It’s no secret that two of the factors that come into play are census data and median income calculations,” Bickleman explained. “Buffalo has recently had an inordinate number of low-income residents die from old age or criminal causes. And a recent cold spell cleared nearly a dozen folks off of Buffalo’s poverty list and onto Atlanta’s. Recent gang activity has also been a big factor. Less poor people results in a city with a higher value.”
Delaware District Councilman Michael LoCurto assured residents that the city had no plans to prematurely capitalize on the uncertain viability of the sick and elderly. “Programs like HEAP, fire and rescue, and all city, county and federal social services will continue to operate as they do presently. We’re not going to pull the plug on those who might drag our numbers down,” said LoCurto, adding, “In the fourth-poorest city in America, we look after our own, no matter how badly their continued breathing affects our national status.”
Loading ...
