Larry Flesler – Commentary

-Why do they call it First Night? It should be called Last Night (as in last night of the year…) or Why-Am-I-Freezing-My-Marbles-Off-Downtown-So-My-Kids-Can-Go-On-A- Friggin-Bounce-House-Night.

-I enjoyed the Bills victory over Denver, I used my DVR to tape the game as there was an ‘According to Jim’ marathon on at the same time.

-Says here that Caroline Schlossberg is a handsome woman; kinda’ reminds me of Dick Juaron with longer hair.

-Andrew Peters fights like he’s holding a dirty diaper in one hand.

-I haven’t been out of the house in 2 weeks, my Hoveround mobility scooter is in for repairs; I wrecked it after a night out at The Grapevine with Van.

-I was saddened to hear about the death of Angela Lansbury, I lost my virginity to her 4 years ago while visiting my infirmed neighbor; she was in the adjacent room.

-Which eye should I look at when talking to Ryan Miller?

-I ran into Harry Neale a few weeks ago; I volunteer for Meals on Wheels and delivered a pre-chewed meal to him. He invited me in for a sponge bath but I declined.

-I ate an entire jar of Mayonnaise yesterday; I’m trying to detoxify my innards.

-Godspeed Angela, you will always be my first.