Alan Linament, Ruse On-Air Reporter

Ellen Maxwell

Cost cutting measures have taken place at Buffalo’s top rated newsstation, WIVB-Channel 4. While other staffers received holiday bonus checks, reporter Ellen Maxwell and morning anchor Lisa Scott received termination notices.

The firings shocked some staff; others seemed ambivalent to the release of the two popular employees. Don Postles offered this comment as he stood in the station parking lot lighting his cigar with a flaming 100 dollar bill: “Life’s tough these days. No one is indispensible and we should all be happy we have jobs. No one wanted to see them go, especially Ellen. I wasn’t a big fan of her reporting but I found her appearance to be especially arousing.” He then noticed a spot on his Bruno Maglis and went off in search of a station intern to polish them for him.

Meteorologist Don Paul said that while he was saddened by the firings, he is looking to the bright side. With Maxwell fired, he can now ask her out without violating the station’s policy forbidding inter-office romance. “There’s a stormy romance coming up…. I’m forecasting six inches for Ellen!” said Paul.

Station Manager Chris Musial denied the release of the two employees was a cost cutting measure. He said “It was just time for them to move on. The fact that both were up for longevity bonuses in a month was merely a coincidence.” Musial was asked how he planned on replacing Scott and Maxwell. He said that he is encouraging workers who have friends or relatives who would like to give reporting a whirl to come down to the station for an audition.