Obama waves to the common man

Balls, parades, unprecedented security costs are enough to buy heat, food for millions.

By Hardy Astrom

Describing a core belief in “the future of our children and grandchildren,” Barak Obama boldly asked Americans face the grave economic crisis with the fortitude and determination that helped make our country great. In the most watched inauguration in history, Obama spoke passionately of the people who came before us, and sacrificed for the luxuries of our freedom.

“Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. Time and again they worked for minimum wage but still paid their taxes, and because of people like them, I was able to enjoy the most wonderful prime rib, at a formal ball, off of a plate which has gold–real gold– in the shape of an eagle. Only in a country as great as ours, can I lick gravy off of gold.”

In a call to Americans who have lost hope, who fear the worst in the direction of the U.S. economy, Obama had words of encouragement and perseverance.

“Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America. I will be picking myself up off of sheets that likely cost more than your house. I will watch workers dust off my shoes, so that I may put them on, and have my next four years of meals formally catered. I will work to remake America, and, God willing, I will be successful, by simply not being George Bush.”

Obama also reached out to the global community, in an effort to repair relations that have become strained in recent years. While not referencing the Bush foreign policy legacy specifically, the President pledged the support of the United States to countries that need assistance.

“To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. My mind is currently stuffed. Crème Brule at 11 in the morning will do that to a guy, and when we, as Americans, clean up after this $150,000,000 concert/ball/parade/party, we will be sufficiently able to figure out how to best help you to farm your rocky barren land, and how to strain sewage from your drinking water.”

The President also referenced the spiritual component necessary to the rebuilding of America. A faith that we will succeed.

“This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.”

A similar statement was found tied to a rock that was hurled at the motorcade bringing Obama to the inauguration, and was traced to a man with ties to the Taliban.