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Ralph Wilson: Not Yet Dead
By Jerry Mulligan
The rumor started to spread last night at the Sabres - Leafs game that Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson had died.
GET OFF MY LAWN!
The Buffalo Ruse has confirmed that the man known affectionately to thousands of Buffalo football fans as “the Ralph” is not dead. Yet.
Wilson was severely injured, however, when he took to the field at the Orchard Park complex named in his honor and attempted to “show the young boys how we used to do it in the old days.”
A leather-helmeted Wilson, carrying a cane and wearing yellowed shoulder pads, taunted Bills linebacker Paul Posluszny by referring to him repeatedly as a “primadonna cracker who couldn’t tackle my jockstrap.”
Posluszny ignored the insults for 20 minutes but eventually succumbed to Wilson’s ribbing. Telling fellow Bills that he had heard enough, the 240-pound linebacker violently dropped the 90-year-old at the 35-yard line. Wilson’s head was driven viciously into the turf and the Bill’s owner had to be attended to by medical personnel before he was taken to Buffalo General Hospital by ambulance.
Wilson, who once tackled Adolf Hitler in the 1936 Axis vs. Allies International Bowl, has referred to the underachieving Bills as “a bunch of drug-abusing, gun-carrying gold-diggers who couldn’t beat the prep squad from St. Mary’s.”
Doctors expect that Wilson will make a full recovery before he finally passes away from natural causes early next month.
March 28th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
This is a very well written article. The punctuation and grammar is sublime. I was so impressed, I soiled myself.
March 28th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
you are an A#1 sports writer
March 28th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Hubby and I were grocery shopping and checker said “its official, Ralph Wilson is dead”. ? Rumor or truth
March 28th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Rumor! you dumbass!
March 29th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Ralph is only 90 — moron
March 29th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Dear Jon W.
At The Buffalo Ruse we take your comments very seriously. Obviously Jerry Mulligan should have checked his facts before reporting (incorrectly) that Ralph Wilson, Jr. is 91 years old. We have corrected the error. Also, we are encouraging Mr. Mulligan to go back to school in an attempt to earn his High School diploma. We believe that the rigors of an 8th grade education are just not enough when it comes to the quality we hope keeps readers like you from returning again and again to our site. Again, thank you Jon W. for reminding us that Jerry Mulligan is often incorrect and is always a moron.
March 29th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
On the bright side, it looks like the defense might be improving. Hell, when’s the last time it took them only twenty minutes to stop someone?