By Larry Flesler

-I had it all wrong. I pushed my son into sports, paid for expensive conditioning camps, nutrition supplements, private training and sent his game tapes to college coaches, hoping all the while he would make it big someday.  I should have just ate his dog.

-I must confess that whenever I walk my dog, I carry a plastic bag pre-loaded with a rock. When my dog does his business, I pull the bag out of my pocket and pretend to grab the steaming mess. I then walk the rest of the way with the bag weighed down with the rock while my neighbor’s lawn looks like a carnival for maggots.

-I have The Gout for the third time this month, my Doctor said it may be related to my diet of scallops, bacon wrapped sticks of butter and Genny Cream Ale.

-I hate Clowns.

-I’m getting the hang of my new cell phone. I just got a lesson in ’sexting’ from my old friend Marie Rice.

-The passing of Bea Arthur hit me especially hard. We went to Junior College at the same time and met while playing football. I was a sparsely used punter and running back, Bea was a terrific lineman with a mean streak. She would use the forearm shiver, clothesline and leg whip at will. She always came up with the ball after a fumble. She would grab or bite anything under a pile scrambling for a loose ball, I have an imprint of her dental work on my coin purse to prove it.

-Godspeed Beatrice.