By Larry Flesler

Ruse editor Murray Lite asked me to report on the game as it happens so here goes.

Just sat down in my easy chair for kickoff. I have 3 containers of Bison Chip dip, 4 bags of ‘Scoops’ and 3 bags of pork rinds on my TV tray as well as a bottle of Wild Turkey.

1st Quarter:

Steelers march down the field, Bills ‘Swiss Cheese’ defense can’t stop them.

Trent Edwards looks to be ready for the season, just completed a 3-yard pass.

Trent just threw an interception for a Steelers TD.

Commercial break, time for a tall glass of Wild Turkey and a trip to the fridge for a slice of ham.

While Bills can’t get a 1st down, I’ve managed to down 1 bag of Scoops and a tub of Bison Dip.

2nd Quarter:

Bills no huddle keeps defense on the field forever as they keep going 3 and out.

Shot of Dick Jauron on sidelines…he always looks like he’s about to soil himself.

Steelers score again.

Wild Turkey almost gone.

Steelers get field goal, lead 17-0.

Halftime:  Steelers - 17 Bills - 0

2 bags of Scoops, 2 tubs of dip and a bottle of Wild Turkey missing in action.

3rd Quarter:

No change - Bills awful, Steelers good.

Wife walks by, I ask her for a smooch and she punches me in the temple.

4th Quarter:

QB change, Fitzpatrick sacked twice in two plays.

I yell to Wife to bring me a fresh bottle of Wild Turkey, she calls me a fat drunken slob and leaves the house.   Guess I have to get it myself.

Just sat on the remote, rerun of Brady Bunch now on.

Sam the Butcher just came over to take Alice on a bowling date, Alice looks disappointed. Sam has no idea how to treat a dame like Alice.  She needs to be romanced.  I’d bring her a dozen roses, a spiral ham and a bottle of Black Velvet. She would be so smitten that she’d cook the ham wearing nothing but that fetching blue apron and a come-hither smile.

Must have dozed off, I am covered with pork rinds, chip dip and my own stench.

Game must be over.  Steleers win.