Larry Flesler

I am being forced by Murray Lite to do another live report for the Bills Pat’s game, here goes.

Just settled into my old recliner with all the game time necessities; 2 bottles of Wild Turkey, 8 bags of Funions, 4 large bags of Andy Capp Hot fries and a fresh jar of pickled eggs.

It’s 8pm, getting an early start, I’d like to check out the pre-game chatter before the 9pm kickoff. Oh, uhh the game is already in progress, must have read the TV guide wrong.

Commercial break as I wait to see what’s happening. It’s an ad for  Arby’s - 5 regulars for $5.95, think I’ll have the Mrs. run and grab me some with extra Horsey sauce, damn they look good. I love the Horsey sauce but always feel like a putz asking for it, they should have a a more manly name for it, like Horseball sauce.

1st Quarter;

Missed all of it, but Bills in lead 7-0, just finished 3 bags of Funions and 4 pickled eggs, are the yokes supposed to be runny?

2nd Quarter;

Wife just returned from Arby’s with my 5 regulars. Only 3 are in the bag, that  puss bag must have had 2 of them on the way home. Oh well, at least she got a separate bag full of Horsey sauce. Wow Horsey sauce on Hot Fries is incredible, I think I invented a new snack, think I’ll call them Andy’s Horseyballs.

Aaron Schobel with the sack, I hear he has a hot wife but she’s as dumb as a box of rocks. Bills no huddle looks interesting, wonder if the wife would like to huddle up for awhile.

Wild Turkey going down smooth, 1st bottle almost gone, might need to make a run for more at halftime.

Fred Jackson looks good, he’s no Jonathan Linton but he’s ok.

Brady getting in sync, Pats moving down the field at will. Poz holding his arm, probably sprained it trying to brush his hair. Pats just scored.

I’m crowning, be back in a few minutes. Took a little longer than I hoped, Bills in the lead 14-7, not sure how they scored, I’ll check and let you know.

2:00 minute warning, time to stock up on pickled eggs.

Brady moving team, first and goal. Kelsay hurt - looks like he took a shot in the groinal area. Dick Jauron looks concerned or constipated or near death.

Field goal attempt, kick is good 14-10 at the half.

I’m going to call 68 FLUSH, I plugged up the commode. The pickled eggs don’t agree with me and my wife is not happy.

3rd Quarter:

My wife is watching Murder She Wrote and drank half my 2nd bottle of Wild Turkey. I’ll give her a minute, she’s an angry drunk. She just threw her corrective shoe at me, I’ll get my transistor radio out of my Twin Fair shoe box. Can’t find the radio but did find an old copy of Swank that Van gave me as a housewarming gift some years back. They leave nothing to the imagination in that magazine.

I hear my wife snoring and passing gas, that means she’ll be out for hours, back to the game.

Bills up 17-10.

4th Quarter:

Patrick Swayze dead, I loved him in Footloose.

Pickled eggs gone, Horsey sauce under wife in recliner, that’s where it’s staying. My steel-kettle like stomach is having a hard time with the Hot Fries, something’s fermenting in there that needs to be released soon. Hope the commode gets unplugged soon.

17-13.

I need to run to my neighbor’s house and use the bathroom before I implode……too late.

I’ll get back to you with the final game summary later in the late edition, I need to attend to some house cleaning.