State Representative Eric Massa Resigns After Asking Male Aide To “Massa Bate” In Front Of Him.

Chris Collins OKs Justice Department Visit To Holding Center “As Long As Keanu Reeves Is Present For Entire Inspection.”

Mayor Seeks Federal Funds To Turn The Statler Into “World’s Fanciest” Dollar General.

Darcy Regier Snags Raffi Torres at Trade Deadline, Says Newest Sabre “Could Be The Next Dave Snuggerud.”

Holding Center Chief Promises “Top To Bottom Review” Of Jail’s Shoelace Lending Program After Latest Suicide.

Maria Genero Promises To Wear Mike Cejka’s Chaps On Air If She Beats Him In Forecast Challenge.

Kevin O’Connell Pledges To Eat One Gallon Of Ice Cream For Each Degree He’s Off On Daily High Temperature Forecast; Confidently Predicts Saturday “Will Top Out At 82 Degrees.”

Canadian Women’s Hockey Team Wins Gold Medal; Squad Vows To Keep ‘Playoff Beards’ Until 2011 World Championships.