By Ronn Chesmonde

Buffalo Bills owner Ralph C. Wilson Jr. thinks new head coach Chan Gailey looks “hotter than a four-alarm fire” when he’s wearing the red, size 16 dress given to him by the Bills 91-year-old owner.

Gailey: Lady In Red.

“The last few years we haven’t had a coach who looked classy dressed as a lady,” Wilson said Thursday from his home in Michigan.

“Chan Gailey is the new black,” Wilson said, growling like a cat in heat. “He’s the Lady Gaga of the NFL.”

Wilson acknowledged that the Bills’ streak of seven straight seasons without a cross-dressing coach has weighed on him as much as everyone else. It’s the longest stretch of fashion futility of its kind in team history.

“It’s been painful,” Wilson said. “I remember the silky satin underwear that Chuck Knox used to show off to the team on game day and the special underwire bra that Marv Levy kept in a cedar lined box especially for the playoffs.  I can’t tell you how badly I’ve missed a coach who could sip brandy while wearing stiletto heels in my Florida room during the off season. ”

Asked about the Bills’ pursuit of big-name coaches Mike Shanahan and Bill Cowher, Wilson said, “Shanahan’s sagging behind and Cowher’s abnormally-shaped hips were both unflattering when they put on the dress.”

“We were not looking for big names, we were looking for somebody who looks fantastic in shimmering taffeta,” Wilson said. “We hired Buddy and I gave him the dress and Chan Gailey looked the best in it. Now we’re trying to go forward.”

Beyond that, Wilson would not be lured into a discussion about the Bills’ process for finding Gailey a matching purse for the dress.

“There’s been speculation all over the place about what goes with the dress,” Wilson said. “There’s 500 matching accessories the media can speculate on but I’m not going there.  We gave Chan the dress. He put it on.  I became aroused.  He’s the new coach.  End of story.”