By Larry Flesler

I’m in New York visiting my nephew and still have a press pass for Madison Square Garden so I’m doing a live report for that bastard of a boss, Murray Lite.

1st period just underway.  Boy the beer here is expensive, I have had only 3 and I’m already down $28.50.  I just polished off a few cheese dogs to help line my stomach.  Looks like Ryan Miller is in goal for Buffalo and I think it’s John Davidson for the Rangers.  Midway through the period and I need to find the john: the cheese dogs are screaming to make their escape and the other reporters in the room are not happy.  Raffi Torres just turned the puck over for the third time on 1 shift.  Nice work, Darcy. Period over, no score in the game and I need a bag of Tums.

2nd period started about 16 minutes ago.  I spent some time in the Men’s room getting myself back together and stopped by the beer vendor but I made it back quicker than I thought.  Still no score and the game is rather boring, I’d be sleeping if it weren’t for the 7 beers I’ve had so far.  Best player on the ice so far for Buffalo is Adam Mair.  Torres just turned the puck over again.  Can we get our draft pick back?  2nd period almost done, I’m going to try to make it to the Men’s room early, I’m crowning.

3rd period underway and I’m just getting my second wind.  I think I’ll order an open-faced prime rib sandwich.  No score and I’m hoping for an act of God to end this game, it’s boring the hell out of me.  I ran into Jason Pominville before the game and I think he has a pro-ceeding hairline.  The guy gives me the willies.  Hey guess what?  The Sabres just scored, it’s now 1-0, Zowie!  That prime rib was great, washed it down with a nice tall glass of Glenlivet.  I’m starting to throw pencils at the crowd to keep myself amused, ahh damn I just threw my car keys over the wall.  Sabres are now tied with the Rangers, Miller handles the puck like I handle my liquor.  I think I can handle it, but end up throwing up all over myself.  End of regulation, I’m getting drowsy.  I need a nap.

My alarm just went off.  Oh, it’s the horn.  Someone just scored a goal.  I’m friggin’ bombed.  Who’s wearing the home white’s tonight?  Sabres escape with at least a point, I’ll follow up with more stuff later.

Anyone see my belt?