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Buffalo Leaders Split: Should Train Station Go Where Trains Go, Or Where Boats Go?

Buffalo Leaders Split: Should Train Station Go Where Trains Go, Or Where Boats Go?

By Ronn Chesmonde, Ruse Train Beat Correspondent     As talk increases about the prospect of a new train station in the City Buffalo, a split among local elected leaders is forming.  On one side, a unanimous Common Council, Assemblyman Sean Ryan, and Congressman Brian Higgins advocate for the restoration of the Central Terminal, an...
No One On Edge Of "Depew-Arture" Panic As Voters Head To Polls

No One On Edge Of “Depew-Arture” Panic As Voters Head To Polls

By Ronn Chesmonde, Ruse Depew Bureau Stan Jablonski has lived in Depew for his entire, limited life. He has raised his dog here. He has committed to a lifetime of abstinence here. He even started a t-shirt company based on his love of Depew. “It’s called “Die in Depew,” beams Jablonski. “Because Depew is where...
With ACA Repeal, Chris Collins May Lose Coverage Due To Preexisting Condition Of Gaping Asshole, Experts Say

With ACA Repeal, Chris Collins May Lose Coverage Due To Preexisting Condition Of Gaping Asshole, Experts Say

By Robert McFarty, Ruse Politics Correspondent As the 115th Congress gets down to work, talk of a quick repeal of the Affordable Care Act, known informally as “Obamacare,” is heating up.  Local Congressman Chris Collins, representing the 27th District of New York, is leading the charge to repeal the law, which among other things, prevents...
Transcript of Bills GM Doug Whaley's Year End Press Conference

Transcript of Bills GM Doug Whaley’s Year End Press Conference

By Hairy Mulligan, Ruse Football Senior Reporter Transcript of Doug Whaley’s Year-End Press Conference At One Bills Drive Press: Doug, is there one thing you can point to that caused the firing of Rex Ryan? Doug Whaley: Happy New Year. Let me be clear: the recent comments made by Carl Paladino comparing First Lady Michelle...
Tyrod Taylor Spotted Laughing Near Bank

Tyrod Taylor Spotted Laughing Near Bank

By Sucky Greasin, Ruse Sports Bureau Chief
The Buffalo Ruse Reopens at New Headquarters

The Buffalo Ruse Reopens at New Headquarters

By Ronn Chesmonde, Ruse Lazarus Correspondent The Buffalo Ruse completed its scheduled move to its new home on the web a full two days ahead of schedule.  Correspondents are acclimating to the new environs and preparing to cover the Republican National Convention.  More details soon to follow.
Citing Environment, Poloncarz Announces Plan For County-wide Ban Of Toilet Paper

Citing Environment, Poloncarz Announces Plan For County-wide Ban Of Toilet Paper

by Mandra Tan, Ruse Toilet Bureau Attendees of the 2016 State of the County Address received a gift that may well keep on giving: a roll of reusable toilet paper. On Thursday afternoon, an emboldened County Executive Mark C. Poloncarz emphatically told guests that he intends to make Erie County the first county in the nation to...
Bishop Admonishes Catholics Distracted By Refugees, Reminds Them Of Threat Of “Jesus Had 2 Dads” Signs

Bishop Admonishes Catholics Distracted By Refugees, Reminds Them Of Threat Of “Jesus Had 2 Dads” Signs

By Fill Hairbanks, Ruse Diocese and Funny Sign Reporter With the world still reeling from terror attacks in Paris, and with politicians around the nation and region focused on an emotional debate over whether to welcome thousands of Syrian refugees escaping a humanitarian crisis, Buffalo’s preeminent spiritual leader, Bishop Richard Malone, remains focused on a decidedly more existential...
Ewe Have Know Idea About Patrick Cane Is Innocent Just Weight

Ewe Have Know Idea About Patrick Cane Is Innocent Just Weight

by Paul Cambria, Special to the Ruse Mr. Cambria, seen here appearing on local news after being bitten by a spider, represents Patrick Kane in an ongoing rape investigation. People should really stop talking about my client Patrick crane who is an ascend until proven guilty it is all starting too be a brunch of babble....
Rock Fans Confused, Disappointed by Eden Corn Festival

Rock Fans Confused, Disappointed by Eden Corn Festival

By Tin O’Sheit, Ruse Correspondent for Homophone Issues  Rock fans Ed Pitowski and Rachel Nemont say the Eden Corn Festival has come with “more tractor-pulling, and less vomit-dodging” than the event they were expecting. Several attendees to the Eden Corn Festival, a family-friendly 4-day celebration of the “season of corn,” found themselves wishing they had more carefully...
Local Couple Unsure How To Address Young Son’s Plan to Wear Kane Jersey All Weekend

Local Couple Unsure How To Address Young Son’s Plan to Wear Kane Jersey All Weekend

By Wad Rotson, Ruse Correspondent for Birds, Bees, Flowers, Trees, & Lakefront Mansions Scott and Tess Yeardly have not yet discussed how to broach the topic of their son’s tendency to yell “Kane puts it in!” after scoring goals. A West Seneca couple are not counting on getting much sleep Friday night, as they instead plan to spend several...
Nerdy Lackawanna Teen Dismayed by Alleged ISIS Recruiter’s Disinterest

Nerdy Lackawanna Teen Dismayed by Alleged ISIS Recruiter’s Disinterest

By Gil Phuntanks, Ruse Terrorism / Dorkism Bureau  Even for a group that recruits extremely alienated youths, Hamed was apparently deemed too bizzare. A local teenager is very upset about the arrest of accused terrorist conspirator Arafat Nagi in his Lackwanna neighborhood this morning,  complaining that even though he had been “right here all along,” the alleged...