By Ronn Chesmonde, Ruse Depew Bureau

Stan Jablonski has lived in Depew for his entire, limited life. He has raised his dog here. He has committed to a lifetime of abstinence here. He even started a t-shirt company based on his love of Depew.

Sales of Stan Jablonski’s signature “Depew, NY” t-shirts have plummeted since talk began of a “Depew-Arture” from WNY.

“It’s called “Die in Depew,” beams Jablonski. “Because Depew is where I want to be buried.”

Now, like many Depew residents, Stan struggles to find words to describe his feelings about the possibility that village voters may opt to dissolve his tiny five-square-mile village by 9pm tonight.

“It’s bad for the Village. Real bad,” mutters Stan, staring at his thumb.

Jablonski says it’s not easy to be a resident in a place that holds an uncertain future.

When asked if he sees a connection between calls for the dissolution of Depew and the rise of the right-wing populism that resulted in a European “Brexit” vote, Jablonski looks confusedly into the distance and mouths the word aloud.

“Brexit?”

And that’s not the only question Jablonski has.

“What will happen to all the other Depew businesses like mine? ‘CrazyArtGrrl Jewelry’ and ‘Achin For Clay Ceramics?’ Will they just pull up stakes and move to a village that still exists? How the hell does my buddy Jeff visit ‘Depew STD Testing Service’ if there ain’t no Depew to go to?”

In addition to concerns about the future of his business, Jablonski says he has called upon the trustees of the Village to clarify what will happen to his house if Depew is dissolved.

‘Will it disappear into thin air? Will my neighborhood be bulldozed? I think they ain’t sayin’ because somebody in the mainstream media got to ’em and paid ’em off to be quiet.”

One thing is certain: according to an area professor, the effects of the “Depew-Arture” vote will have serious ramifications for minutes, and possibly even hours.

“Usually people don’t realize the significance of a change like this until long after a government entity has been dissolved,” says Dr. Robert Frawley, the head of the Regional Economics department at the University of Buffalo.”Fire and police response times go down, garbage slowly but surely begins to pile up on the curbs.”

“But because we’re talking here about Depew, I can safely assert that nobody – and I mean nobody – is going to care or notice that the entire Village is gone by this time next Monday.”