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By Wad Rotson, Ruse Correspondent for Birds, Bees, Flowers, Trees, & Lakefront Mansions

Scott and Tess Yeardly have not yet begun to discuss how to broach the topic of their son's tendency to yell "Kane puts it in!" after scoring goals.

Scott and Tess Yeardly have not yet discussed how to broach the topic of their son’s tendency to yell “Kane puts it in!” after scoring goals.

A West Seneca couple are not counting on getting much sleep Friday night, as they instead plan to spend several hours desperately wracking their brains for the best way to discourage their 7-year-old from his long-held plans of donning a Patrick Kane jersey throughout the upcoming weekend without shattering the sphere of childhood innocence that they have thus far maintained for him.

Scott and Tess Yeardly, whose “hockey-obsessed” son Tyler has “considered [Kane] a hero since before he could talk,” report that when they first heard about the investigation into rape allegations  against the hockey star earlier in the week, their minds immediately turned to their young son.

“He had been talking about Kane bringing the cup home and wearing the jersey for the whole weekend, no matter how hot it was,” Tess recalled, blinking back tears. “We don’t know what to do – he’s supposed to go a birthday party for a girl in his class. We can’t be those parents!”

Scott explains that at first they thought they could come up with an excuse — citing bedbugs or pretending to lose the jersey–but that “we really didn’t want to be dishonest with our son. Then again, how honest can we be here? I mean, fuck, he’s 7.”

The Yeardlys report that although they still do not know the exact words they will use with their son, they can take comfort in knowing that whatever they say, Tyler – who will start 2nd grade at Allendale Elementary in the fall – is sure to be irreparably damaged and resentful of them for years to come.

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