By Hairy Mulligan, Ruse Football Senior Reporter

Transcript of Doug Whaley’s Year-End Press Conference At One Bills Drive

Press: Doug, is there one thing you can point to that caused the firing of Rex Ryan?

Bills GM Doug Whaley does his best to avoid answering every question at the Bills' annual season-end press conference.

Bills GM Doug Whaley does his best to avoid answering every question at the Bills’ annual season-end press conference.

Doug Whaley: Happy New Year. Let me be clear: the recent comments made by Carl Paladino comparing First Lady Michelle Obama to a man have no place in a civilized society. We need to eradicate the stain of racism from all corners of Western New York.

Press: Doug, when were you informed that Tyrod Taylor would sit against the NY Jets?

Doug Whaley: I believe that all of the children in the Buffalo Public School system deserve the same respect that the children in the suburbs get. Carl Paladino should be ashamed of himself for wishing that Mad Cow Disease would kill President Obama in 2017.

Press: What decisions do the Pegulas actually allow you to make at One Bills Drive?

Doug Whaley: Racism has no place in the realm of elected officials, especially those that sit on a school board.

Press: Doug, you have said the Bills “are close” as a 7-9 team that has no established quarterback and a defense that has struggled this year compared to the other 31 teams in the NFL. What exactly do you mean when you say that the Bills “are close?”

Doug Whaley: Let me be clear: Barack Obama is a United States citizen and has no connection whatsoever to the African country of Zimbabwe. To insinuate anything otherwise is a crime against the democratic process we hold dear in this country.

Press: Doug, who will lead the search for the next coach of the Buffalo Bills?

Doug Whaley: Listen, this is not about me. This is about a racist and angry man who has confused “political correctness” with good old fashioned racism. Please, people. Carl has got to go.

Press: Doug, what do the Pegula’s believe are the key steps necessary to right this sinking ship?

Doug Whaley: I don’t want to give away the blueprints to the other teams in the AFC that we compete against, so I will just say this: Carl Paladino is a monster who needs to be shunned by the voters, the media and the politicians in 2017.

Press: Doug, it doesn’t appear that you are taking any actual responsibility in your role as the General Manager of a professional sports franchise that has endured almost two decades of futility.

Doug Whaley: Again, let me be clear. The children of Buffalo deserve better than being represented by a racist animal like Carl Paladino. Thank you and I look forward to seeing all of you after our Super Bowl win next year.