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By Mike Hairytounge, The Ruse’s Hirsute Harbinger of Hockey

cockfanAccording to NHL sources, the Sabres and their fans will know by tomorrow morning whether or not Mike Babcock has decided to take his talents to Buffalo. The veteran coach will make a final decision after consulting with family this evening. Though it remains unclear in which direction he is leaning, many fans report they are “simply thrilled” at the opportunity to think through all the sophomoric plays on Babcock’s surname they will be able to proudly display on signs at future games, regardless of which team he chooses.

“That’s the beauty of it really,” exclaims Joseph Winthrop, an auto-parts dealer from Depew who considers himself a master wordsmith in the art of printed hockey hecklery, “It’s a complete win-win. No matter what the guy decides, the signs just write themselves. Doesn’t take the offer? ‘Bad-cock,’ or just add a carat with a ‘y’ between the ‘b’ and ‘c’. If he takes it? Then, it’s ‘Our Cock!’ Something something…bigger than yours…I’m just doing them off the top of my head here but I think you get the idea.”

Despite the ambivalence of this subset of fans, Sabres owner Terry Pegula — whose offer is rumored to be in the range of $5 million a year — reportedly plans only to use the coach’s name in a “colorful” manner if Babcock turns him down.

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