By Rug Burner

Ruse Washington Correspondent

A King is crowned.

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter shocked the beltway, the nation and the world this week when he announced his defection from the Republican Party.

“I know that this decision will disappoint some of my constituents,” said Specter, the top ranking Senator from Pennsylvania who was swept into office along with President Ronald Reagan in 1980, “but as I near the end of my long and illustrious political career I just want the same thing that every single gangsta rapper in the United States wants and that is to get paid.”

Democrats, who stand to gain a possible filibuster-proof majority in the Senate and already control the House and the Presidency, lured Specter to their party by offering him lifetime season tickets to the Philadelphia Eagles as well as total control over the state of Wyoming.

Moments before Specter’s shocking Tuesday announcement made it official, President Barack Obama emerged from a White House meeting among Washington’s political elite to announce that he had signed off on legislation giving Specter the title “King of Wyoming.”

“This is no time for celebration,” said Obama, flanked on either side by pom-pom waving cheerleaders who sported jerseys emblazoned with the number “60″ on the front and “Fili-Bust-This!” on the back.

“My sole focus is to deal with the serious problems that I inherited from my predecessor and I look forward to working with Senator Specter no matter what his political affiliation,” said the President, who noted that Wyoming has supported just two democratic presidential candidates for president since 1952 and was deemed “expendable” by his top advisors.

“I have no problem with anyone who hails from the great state of Wyoming and who must, as of today, refer to Senator Specter as ‘My liege’ or face criminal prosecution and imprisonment at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba,” said Obama, who would neither confirm or deny reports that half of the state could become a repository for the nation’s spent nuclear fuel cells.

Specter announced that his first two acts as King would be to permanently banish former Vice President and current Wyoming resident Dick Cheney to the Black Hills followed by the forced integration of Wyoming Public Schools with “normal people.”

By Frank Brutus
U.S. President Barack Obama used stark words to tell the nation in a live address last night that “Our six-month long national nightmare is almost over.”  The President calmly asked citizens to support him with his administration’s new top priority: securing $10 trillion to rebuild the Death Star.

President Obama: Improved Death Star will include vegetable garden.

The rebels destroyed the last Death Star by dropping a missile into an unsecured hole that was built directly above the flux capicitor,  causing a chain-reaction explosion in the nuclear core that completely destroyed the original Death Star.

Obama vowed to take the “fight to the rebels before the rebels bring the fight to us.”  He said the pressing issues of “spreading the wealth around, finding new and renewable energy sources, fixing health care and re-building our nation’s infrastructure can wait until after we get this new and improved Death Star up and running.”

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner appeared with the President to announce that a “new alliance” with the management of A.I.G that will help to generate “most of” the necessary $10 trillion.

“It turns out that the transfer of derivative-based, risk-heavy mortgages actually allows for the fastest transfer of wealth between the ignorant majority and the smaller, elite class of forward thinkers in this country,” said Geithner.  “The solution to one of this country’s most complex economic problems was under our noses the whole time.”

President Obama announced that the only differences between the original Death Star and the new version will be the “elimination of all unsecured holes and, as per my wife’s instructions, the addition of a vegetable garden.”