By Ronn Chesmonde

Mayor Byron Brown stood amidst the majestic greenery of Delaware Park early this morning to announce that, effective immediately, the Olmsted Conservancy will be run by the former restaurateur and athlete Leonard Stokes.

Different Stokes?

“I am fully confident that Mr. Stokes learned valuable skills related to trimming, hedging and clipping while he was the the owner and operator of the now-closed One Sunset restaurant,” said the Mayor.  “And it’s about time that we put someone in charge of our most precious asset - the Olmsted Park system - who actually has the physical ability to reach all the way to the top of the tallest bushes that need to be clipped.”

The Mayor mentioned that Stokes will be joined by “an all-star cast” of lawn-care associates, including Stokes’ former benefactors Michelle Barron and Brian Davis, who both have “extensive experience making even the deadest grass look green.”  The Mayor also introduced a man he would only refer to as “Tiny,” a culinary expert who will aide Stokes and his girlfriend in the supervision of the Buffalo parks system.

Brown said that Stokes’ first order of business will be to distribute a handicapped parking permit to each new Conservancy employee, allowing them “unfettered access to park their vehicles anywhere they feel is appropriate in pursuit of making Buffalo’s parks look as beautiful as possible.”

The Mayor summarily dismissed all of the county and city employees who have been employed by the Conservancy in recent years.

“Those employees would have been satisfactory if we were living in the late 1800s,” said Brown.  “But my job as Mayor is to look to the future of this city, not its sad, misguided past.”