By Frank Brutus

An embarrassed Erie County Fiscal Stability Authority apologized profusely tonight after going soft following four consecutive years of rock solid performance.

For Collins, soft-on = big bucks.

“This has never happened to me before,” said the ashamed Control Board before hurrying into the bathroom and closing the door.

Numerous attempts to get the Control Board to come out of the bathroom were unsuccessful.

Ron Churchill, a medical doctor employed at ECMC, said that it is not unusual for Control Boards to experience softness as they mature.  “Four years is a long time to remain hard,” said Churchill.  “A Control Board that remains hard for longer than that may actually cause more problems than one that starts to get soft.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

None of Churchill’s words made the Control Board feel any better and it continued to fret to itself in the bathroom.  “Maybe it’s the allergy medication I started taking recently,” it wondered.  “Or the longer hours I have been keeping since Collins got elected?”

Erie County Executive Chris Collins was expected to hold a press conference to gloat about the failure of the Control Board to remain hard.  Collins famously promised in his campaign for County Executive that he would take a monthly salary of $1 for as long as the Control Board remained hard.

Said an aide to Collins, “It’s not often that a failure to maintain hardness ends up earning a politician more than $100,000.”