By Frank Brutus
U.S. President Barack Obama used stark words to tell the nation in a live address last night that “Our six-month long national nightmare is almost over.”  The President calmly asked citizens to support him with his administration’s new top priority: securing $10 trillion to rebuild the Death Star.

President Obama: Improved Death Star will include vegetable garden.

The rebels destroyed the last Death Star by dropping a missile into an unsecured hole that was built directly above the flux capicitor,  causing a chain-reaction explosion in the nuclear core that completely destroyed the original Death Star.

Obama vowed to take the “fight to the rebels before the rebels bring the fight to us.”  He said the pressing issues of “spreading the wealth around, finding new and renewable energy sources, fixing health care and re-building our nation’s infrastructure can wait until after we get this new and improved Death Star up and running.”

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner appeared with the President to announce that a “new alliance” with the management of A.I.G that will help to generate “most of” the necessary $10 trillion.

“It turns out that the transfer of derivative-based, risk-heavy mortgages actually allows for the fastest transfer of wealth between the ignorant majority and the smaller, elite class of forward thinkers in this country,” said Geithner.  “The solution to one of this country’s most complex economic problems was under our noses the whole time.”

President Obama announced that the only differences between the original Death Star and the new version will be the “elimination of all unsecured holes and, as per my wife’s instructions, the addition of a vegetable garden.”