By Frank Brutus

“We’ve got pellet guns, handguns, shotguns, semi-automatic weapons.  Everything a gun enthusiast could possibly want we will be selling at prices that will fit nicely into budgets of all shapes and sizes.”

Mayor Brown: Offering Bang for Bucks.

Those were the words of Buffalo Mayor Byron Brown, who stood on the steps of City Hall yesterday to announce the city’s first ever “Gun Sell Back” program.  The Mayor described the “Sell Back” as the “next logical step” in the evolution of his administration’s progressive revenue-producing policies that will “simultaneously make our coffers fuller and our streets safer.”

The Mayor, who initiated a weapons “Buy Back” program for each of the last four years, said “the time is right to give something back to the gun enthusiasts who have so generously supported the ‘Buy Back’ program for the past few years.  Since last January 20th, my administration has fielded numerous inquiries about selling guns to white Buffalonians who populate the city’s north and south sides.  I am proud to say that as of today we will happily comply with their request to purchase a weapon from the City of Buffalo.”

The Mayor noted that the “Gun Sell Back” will not be limited to the city’s white gun enthusiasts.  “We’re anticipating that people from every race, creed, religion and income level will purchase guns at this event,” said Brown, who predicts that the “Gun Sell Back” will ultimately reduce crime in the city.  “If criminals plan to perpetrate a crime after the “Gun Sell Back,” they’ll have no way of knowing if the citizen they plan to mug just bought a gun from my “Sell Back” event.  Why would they risk their own lives trying to rob a law-abiding and freshly-armed citizen?”

Jermaine Sproule, a small-time criminal who makes a living “recycling” abandoned car stereos and custom auto parts, said he plans to sleep outside City Hall in his “borrowed” car to ensure he has a good place in line when the doors are opened on Saturday morning for the Gun Sell Back.  “I called ahead to see what the deal is and the lady told me to bring cash or a money order and my library card for identification.’  I’m there, yo.”