By Larry Flesler

-I feel sorry for Tiger Woods, I had a similar problem back in the late 70’s with six of the copy girls at the Courier.  I couldn’t keep them straight, kept calling them by each others name. It was fun, we’d go to Ray Flynns for a few pops during lunch and then make whoopie in the slop closet.  Good times.

-I’ve been eating a lot of cheese lately.

-The first snowfall of the year is a time for celebration. Van has a ritual where he drinks a shot of Dewar’s for every snowflake on his front window.  He doesn’t care what time of day it is either, he’ll just sit there and get sauced. He then goes out and offers to shovel his neighbors driveway.  She’s a 60-something sultry dame with a great caboose.  She turns him down every year but Van’s no quitter.  Last year he fell asleep on her front porch wearing just his bathrobe.

-I’m getting huge.  I’ll be starting my Get Fit routine after the Holidays are over.  I normally eat my weight in spiral Ham between Thanksgiving and New Years so it will be a challenge.

-I love Christmas.  There’s something about going into debt for the next 9 months to buy gifts, getting the guilt trip for buying gifts that are too cheap and getting bombed and passing out under the Tree every year that says ‘Happy Birthday Jesus!’

-One of my favorite movies is ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’  Van comes over every year to watch it with me and he always ends up weeping when Mr. Gower gets blasted with the seltzer - he says it’s because he always wanted to be a pharmacist.

-I’m thinking about getting a spray tan.  My daughter has hinted that I would look better with a tan.  I overheard her talking to my Wife calling me a big white bag of pus.

-I was saddened to hear about the death of Fred Savage.  I loved him in ‘Saved by The Bell.’

-I recently spent $14.00 at McDonalds on the dollar meal double-cheeseburgers.

-Godspeed Screech.