By Wad Rotson

Dick Kessel: "Blow me."

New York State Power Authority Richard “Big Dick” Kessel made a dramatic appearance yesterday on Buffalo’s breezy waterfront to tout his proposal for the construction of a massive “wind farm” on the shore of Lake Erie that would generate billions of dollars in revenue for the bloated Authority that he oversees.

Kessel, who asked an aide to remind him exactly what part of New York he was in before he began to speak, thanked “whoever your Mayor is” before he launched into the “simply brilliant” plan he has crafted in his spare time at the Power Authority’s private country club in lower Manhattan.

“We will construct the massive turbines with tax dollars generated by the citizens of this proud village,” said Kessel.  “The hot air that blows across this large body of water behind me in July and August will be converted into electricity, which will be redirected downstate in order to power popular New York City attractions like Times Square and the Empire State Building floodlights.”

Kessel proudly added that not all of the electricity will leave Buffalo.  “The slot machines at the proposed Buffalo Creek Casino will be powered by the wind farm,” he noted proudly, “which should add extra incentive for the world’s Seneca Indians, electrical engineers and Don Quixote fans to bypass Las Vegas and head directly to this thriving hamlet instead.”

Mayor Byron Brown, who planned to publicly thank the Power Authority chairman for visiting Buffalo, was violently tackled and handcuffed by Kessel’s security detail when he approached the podium without “the proper identification badge,” according to Kessel spokesperson Alicia Campbell.

Kessel, who appeared unhurt, was rushed to Millard Fillmore Suburban Hospital as a precaution.