By Larry Flesler

This year’s Super Bowl was a classic,  almost as good as last year’s last-second thriller.

I try not to work to hard on Super Bowl Sunday - I VCR the game and watch it later so that I can enjoy the game  in the company of friends.

I make sure to get all the necessary supplies the day before so I don’t have any running around to do on the day of the big game.  My shopping list includes: 3 cases of Schlitz, 2 cases of Dewar’s, 3 cases of Black Velvet, 6 bags of ice, 16 lemons, 9 bottles of Dry Vermouth, 4 bottles of Kamchatka (I pour it into an empty bottle of Absolute so Van thinks he’s getting top shelf vodka), 6 bags of Hot ‘n Spicy pork rinds, 3 bags of Funions, a tub of sour cream and 12 pounds of polish sausage.  I put the liquor, ice and glasses out and get the room ready for the day.

My guests this year were;  Van, Stu, Esther the tax lady, Marie Rice, Wadi Sawabini and special guest Ronan Tynan.  Everyone but Van arrived around 6pm and got themselves settled in.  Van arrived at 1:30 to help me get things organized.  He started hitting the ‘Absolute’ Vodka before his rubbers were off his wing tips.

The game started and we were all excited as the competition was as expected. The discussions were lively, the drinks were cold and Ronan was a charmer.

It was quite evident that Esther and Marie were both smitten with the footless Irishman.  This didn’t sit too well with Van or Wadi as they both thought they had a chance with either Esther or Marie or both of them at the same time.  I was busy making trips to the liquor to refresh the drinks but at one point Ronan was singing an X- rated Irish Tenor version of ‘God Bless America.’  The words were hard to understand but went something like “GOD BLESS ESTHER’S LOINS, LAND THAT I”LL SOON BE LOVING.’  As he went into the next verse Van shot up from his easy chair and launched himself at the bulbous-headed Tynan like a missile. Esther came to his rescue and jumped on Van, Marie and Wadi then jumped into the pile as well.  Stu was not concerned and kept watching the game.

I ran in and yelled for them to stop but to no avail, they were pawing and scratching each other.  Van was slapping anything in sight and the rest of them were kicking, punching and head butting each other.  This went on for about 5 minutes. They expended all their energy and lay there with half their clothes torn off. It was a ball of half-naked, sweat-soaked, listless combatants.

Van then apologized and gave Ronan Tynan a hug, Esther came over and hugged them and then Wadi and Marie did the same.  During this group hug, Esther was petting Ronan’s nether regions and things took an unusual turn.  Ronan tore off his remaining clothes and screamed “There’s A Storm Cloud Gathering In My Pants” and without warning, they all engaged in a game of slap and tickle.  I excused myself to splash on some Aqua Velva and Stu started filming.

By the time I returned, they were all smoking Virginia Slims, Van was removing Funions from Wadi’s do-jigger, Esther was dislodging Pork Rinds from Ronan and Stu had already started editing.

Oh, and the NFC team beat the AFC team.