By Jerry Mulligan

The rumor started to spread last night at the Sabres - Leafs game that Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson had died.

GET OFF MY LAWN!

The Buffalo Ruse has confirmed that the man known affectionately to thousands of Buffalo football fans as “the Ralph” is not dead.  Yet.

Wilson was severely injured, however, when he took to the field at the Orchard Park complex named in his honor and attempted to “show the young boys how we used to do it in the old days.”

A leather-helmeted Wilson, carrying a cane and wearing yellowed shoulder pads, taunted Bills linebacker Paul Posluszny by referring to him repeatedly as a “primadonna cracker who couldn’t tackle my jockstrap.”

Posluszny ignored the insults for 20 minutes but eventually succumbed to Wilson’s ribbing.  Telling fellow Bills that he had heard enough, the 240-pound linebacker violently dropped the 90-year-old  at the 35-yard line.  Wilson’s head was driven viciously into the turf and the Bill’s owner had to be attended to by medical personnel before he was taken to Buffalo General Hospital by ambulance.

Wilson, who once tackled Adolf Hitler in the 1936 Axis vs. Allies International Bowl, has referred to the underachieving Bills as “a bunch of drug-abusing, gun-carrying gold-diggers who couldn’t beat the prep squad from St. Mary’s.”

Doctors expect that Wilson will make a full recovery before he finally passes away from natural causes early next month.