Davis, pooing his pants in innocence.

Common Council member tries to sell dead bodies to clear his name.

By Hardy Astrom

Tuesday night, Brian Davis thought that his computer had frozen, shut it off and went to bed.  When he was unable to get into his eBay account Wednesday morning, he was ready to call the computer auction giant and file a complaint.  When FBI agents crashed through his front door and pinned his chest to the shag carpet that covers his bedroom, he soiled himself, then silently wept, according to FBI reports.  It’s not been a good week for Davis, as financial mismanagement accusations gain steam and his political future is looking more and more bleak.

According to federal officials, Davis’ computer was seized after items he had up for auction on eBay were reported as fraudulent.  Ebay received enough complaints to contact local law enforcement, who quickly turned the case over to the FBI.  Davis, whose eBay username is ‘BiggMember’, was selling local ‘artifacts’ to the highest bidder.  FBI Internet Fraud Agent Rocco Distillo spoke to reporters and explained his department’s interest in Davis.

“We were called in to investigate sales that were reported as fraudulent and after collecting evidence felt we had enough to bring Mr. Davis in for questioning.”

Distillo said that several items for auction raised a red flag for investigators:  ”There was the “Commemorative Piece of Memorial Auditorium,” Distillo said, “which was simply a rock in a box, a ’Whammy Weenie’, which promised a ‘fan favorite for fending off football foes,” but was simply a dried hot dog painted green, and ‘O.J’s Ugly Ass Shoes.’  Those were just a pair of Bruno Maglis knockoffs.  Well worn.”   Distillo said the most trasparent item was listed as “Michael Jackson’s Glove,” in which the winning bidder was delivered a blue and red mitten.  “This guy is just lazy,” Distillo said.

The most disturbing auction was for “Spare Parts, many.”  Pictures were included and directions were provided to what ’BiggMember’ called his ’showroom.’  Potential buyers were told they could ‘look around and take what you need.’  Investigators were shocked with what they found.  “Mr. Davis provided directions to the Buffalo Science Museum.” Distillo said.  “The spare parts were human, to be taken from the Body Worlds exhibit.”

Davis’ mother posted $40,000 bail.  Leaving the holding center with her son, she issued this statement.  “My son would never do the things he is accused of.  He is not a thief.  This is the man that tried to help start an upscale restaurant for poor people.  He donates most of his paycheck to his kids and other folks who need it.  I see it on his check every week.  He garnishees lots of money to folks.  My son is a good boy.”

Davis’ lawyer issued a statement on Facebook last week saying that Davis was nearly out of personal debt.  Ronald Churchill esq. posted his status as, “Glad that Bri Guy thought to charge $5 handling fee for each petition he collected for Byron.  Can now get Sabres season tix!!!”  Davis did not return phone calls.