Pair teams up to expose things everyone always knew in bid for ‘Silver Sow’ Award.

By Hardy Astrom

The Buffalo News, seeking it’s first ever “Silver Sow Award” in reporting,  revealed earlier this week that Byron Brown’s office expects its staff to volunteer time to assist in the Mayor’s re-election bid.  Reporter James Heaney uncovered the historically precedented campaign expectation, ignoring a century of identical practices by virtually every Mayor dating back to 1856.  Immediately following publication of the story, Buffalo News Editor Margaret Sullivan nominated Heaney for the pork-based award.

“We’ve all very proud of Jimmy,” Sullivan said at a press conference.  “Jimmy has proven himself as one of our top investigative journalists.”  Sullivan cited Heaney’s “Bass Pro Should be Here Any Day Now” and “Buffalo Cold During Winter Months” as testament to the reporter’s “deftness at being deft.”

To confirm the practice of having underlings stump for mayoral candidates, Heaney needed only to ask Mickey Kearns about his experience.  Kearns, as a lifeguard at City Pools, petitioned for fellow South Buffalonian Jimmy Griffin.  All the lifeguards did, until they didn’t, at which time they were no longer considered ‘lifeguards’ or ‘employees of the city.’  But relying on recent history does not make for a strong expository.

“Jimmy knew better than to go for the obvious,” Sullivan said proudly.  “When you can report the obvious with renewed shock and condemnation, shiny pigs begin to look your way.”  Sullivan said that perhaps it was Heaney’s interview with E. Mail Recipient that gave the report the credibility it needed to gain the attention of the Silver Sow judging committee.  “It’s Buffalo’s ‘Deep Throat’.”

An excerpt from the interview:  “Everybody is shocked by the the whole thing,” Recipient said. “Last year and the year before wasn’t so surprising, but since it’s going to be printed in the paper, we’re very shocked.  And scared.”

Heaney, allowed to speak only from a written statement at the press conference, said he is humbled by the nomination.  “I’m no Woodward,” he read.